The foundations of all our relationships are developed in our early childhood and our relationship with our main carer and significant other, usually our mother. Healthy, secure attachments to our significant other help us to develop a sense of self-worth and confidence and independence in later life.
If our attachments are insecure this can influence building secure attachments with others and typically relationships involve a complex combination of different attachments. This plays out in our adulthood and in our couple relationship and our parenting styles.
As I have been married for over 30 years, I recognise that relationships are particularly complex and challenging at any time, but it takes energy and resilience and strong commitment to make it work for both people in the relationship. Stress and anxiety have risen particularly since the Covid pandemic.
If you are parents it can take a heavy strain on your relationship, more so if your children have special needs or disability.
You or a partner may be undiagnosed Asperger’s or on the Autistic spectrum. Traditional views towards sexuality and gender roles are in transition and expectations around what it means to be in a relationship are escalating.
Asperger’s is characterised by a lack of communication skills and reciprocity of feelings. Often a lack of empathy with their partners' emotional needs resonates in the relationship.
In counselling I often work with a couple or individual who has struggled to make sense of the emotional needs of their partner resulting in the breakdown of the relationship. The non-Asperger’s partner is often left feeling angry, hurt and frustrated but unloved.
The Asperger partner often feels everything they do is wrong and struggle to share their emotions, so they too feel isolated and alone. I have experience of working with many couples where this condition has been recognised and more importantly understood.
However, there’s no need to face all of this alone!
Julie’s aim is to provide you and your partner with a safe, confidential and empathic service to facilitate both of you in exploring and progressing your relationship, regardless of age, race, religious beliefs, gender identity, or sexual orientation. Julie can also help you to support one another, boost self-esteem, and reduce anxiety for both partners.
Common relationship issues I work with are:
Parenting a child with special needs or a disability or physical or mental health condition
Different parenting styles
Difficulties with other family members
Misunderstandings and communication difficulties, especially if one partner is Autistic and communicates in a unique way
Tensions resulting from differences (opinions, preferences, priorities and ways of being)
Feelings of resentment, anger and anxiety
Grief and loss
Loss of connection
Lack of intimacy
Many people view counselling as a last resort, and I often see couples who have been facing serious long-term difficulties. I can provide support for couples who wish to separate or help those who can’t decide which way to go to find clarity.
For couples in a satisfactory relationship, counselling can help to keep you on track and provide you with greater understanding and fulfilment.
Julie offers a variety of approaches to help couples, including creative, speaking and listening coaching, communication techniques and tools to use straight away. Help you both understand one another better and explore issues impacting you both.
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