10 Easy Steps to shift from dread to live your best life
Posted on 8th April 2021 at 14:09
By Julie Wales, Family & Special Needs Counsellor
Is there anything you tell yourself you will do more of "when you have more time…when the kids are grown…when I retire"? If so, then there's a big chance you should be making more time for it NOW -- not some far off time that might never come. Life is too short.
I am big into self-development reading and self-care. Recently I have been reading Noor Hibbert’s book Just F*cking Do It!
We can procrastinate until we are blue in the face until nothing ever happens or we can take inspired action.
I have read about manifesting and the Law of Attraction and about being true to myself. Noor tells us to “stop playing small and transform your life”. True personal development she says, “can only be achieved by changing how you think and interact with the world.”
It’s about being positive, and goal driven to reach your dreams and even setting small easily managed steps to get to your big dream. Manifestation or visualising plays a big part in reaching your dreams. Close your eyes and see what pictures emerge.
You can be creative about making your dreams a reality by following these 10 tips:
1. What's your dream?
We think, "What's my life's purpose?" and then we break out into a cold sweat.
Start with the easy stuff. What feels good to you? You don't need to decide everything right this instant, but just start collecting ideas for your life that make you feel excited and enthusiastic about the possibilities.
Write some things down. Just keep a simple record of what your dream for your life is.
Create a vision board that displays your dream. Cut pictures out of magazines or find images (postcards, posters, photos) that inspire you and fulfil your dream and goals. Once you have put it together display it somewhere prominent to remind you what you want to achieve.
Example: if you want a peaceful and happier family life; use words and images that show that on your board with positive and happy images that the whole family sees. Allow other family members to add to it or do one each.
2. Believe you can do it.
Slowly change your beliefs from negative to positive outcomes. Think of a time when you completed a challenge successfully. Have you ever been worried or scared but you did it anyway?!
Believe it will and can happen. This is the magic ingredient that will help propel your dream into reality. If you don't decide and believe, and therefore commit, well then... as Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't -- you're right."
3. Release fear.
This next step isn't a one-time event. It's probably something you're going to have to do over and over, every time you notice you're stuck, and you've stopped moving forward.
I often hear my clients say they are time poor about juggling work, children and their relationship and that forms part of our fears about moving forward. We need to make effort if we want to keep our relationships, but we feel stuck and anxious to move out of our comfort zone.
We disguise fear under logistics all the time: "Oh, I don't have time to go after that dream, I need to make money!" Sure, you do. So, get up earlier, says Katie Morton, Author.
"But then I'll be exhausted!"
Many years ago, I decided to take a “sabbatical” for a year to release the fear and pressure from the “battle” for my child’s statement of education or EHCP as they are called now. That was momentous in reducing my anxiety. I no longer felt pressured to keep “fighting” with a system that is unrelentless and exhausting. Any parent who cares for a child/adult with special educational needs will know.
More recently I decided in the lockdown I would get up early and go out for a walk/run doing the Couch to 5K, it was a bit of a battle and I dreaded it. I was always feeling like it took enormous effort to drag my body out of bed that early.
But as I found it’s all in the attitude. I decided it was going to be easy and exciting to get up early to run every other day. I decided it's not going to be difficult. I decided to get the sleep I need, and not be so fearful and sacrificial about getting up early. I’ve not looked back and it especially helps running with a friend. I tell myself I am excited, and it changes everything!
Choose the right attitude. Release fear. Repeat.
4. Take inspired action!
Figure out what you need to DO to make your dream happen. Then go do it. Do something every day.
5. Love yourself.
It's easy to lose the plot in the frenzy of daily living. Just slow down, press the STOP button, relax. Listen.
Take quiet time alone every day, early morning if need be -- to reflect, read, write, and to hear yourself think.
Give yourself the time and space to feel your feelings and organize your thoughts so that you may stay in touch with your own needs and desires for your life.
6. Use other's success as inspiration.
When you notice someone more fortunate, practice saying to yourself, "You know what? I want that, too! I'm going to figure out how and make it happen!"
If we want good things to happen to us, we must stop judging others negatively for the good things they bring into their lives. Judging and criticizing others is such an energy drain.
Think about successful people and use them as your inspiration: see what you want and figure out how to make it happen. We need to be around positive people who support us in our dreams.
7. View mistakes as lessons, not an excuse to give up.
I have made mistakes as a parent and in other areas of my life, which at the time I have dwelled on for what seemed like forever!
I was a people pleaser and when you are trying to please everyone, you please no one.
Our human brains too easily focus on the negative stuff and panic.
It took me a long time to simply view my mistakes as lessons. Instead, I did all the stuff I coached other people not to do. Like when you make a mistake, it's not a reflection on your character. It's just data about what you should do next.
Also, I can’t control other people or circumstances outside of my control. Example: how my kids performed in their exams or what job they got and who their friends were, and I relinquished how their future education and aspirations were tied in with my anxiety.
8. Emotional targets.
Try focussing on how you would feel when you have reached your target. This will improve your self-worth and happiness. You could tell yourself “I will feel more confident…I will feel calm, I will break through any fear. I will be less anxious and more able to cope.
9. Don't let your negative thoughts win.
It's so easy to say to we, “can’t… It’s not going to work…” That’s not me…blame us for everything or focus on our bad habits.
10. Commitment.
You must commit to your dream. Don't just forget about it and put it to the back of your mind. You must really explore it, feel like you have reached your goal, you are there where you want to be.... every day. Writing down or creating that dream board shows your commitment to your dream and is more likely to happen than just thinking it!
Decision + Belief = Commitment
Decide you want your dream to happen. This is the magic ingredient that will help propel your dream into reality.
Instead take from the positives in your life and what you are achieving and spend your energy on the action you are taking.
And one for luck - get your support team in place!
There are kind, caring and positive people who will support you.
If you need some counselling support to enable you to reach that next step in your life then please contact Julie Wales via the contact form at www.juliewalescounselling.co.uk.
I look forward to working together!
If you would like to discuss online counselling and support for you or your family, or you find that your child is struggling with a deeper level of anxiety, please do get in touch on 07412 651 894, or email hello@juliewalescounselling.co.uk. I look forward to helping you!
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