Open-Ended Questions: When discussing school refusal, ask open-ended questions to encourage your child to share their thoughts and feelings. Questions like, “What makes you feel nervous about going to school?” or “Can you tell me what happened today that made you not want to go?” can prompt deeper insight. 

 

Journalling: Encourage your child to keep a journal where they can express their feelings. You can also write a few thoughts in it to open a dialogue—this can make it easier for them to share in a non-confrontational way. 

Customisable Plan: Create a visual plan or checklist together that outlines gradual steps to return to school. For example: Day 1: Visit the school for 15 minutes, Day 2: Stay with a supportive adult for an hour, and so on. 

 

In-Person or Virtual: If possible, ask school to consider partially reintegrating through virtual classes or passing work on to do at home. One good option I feel is having them attend for specific subjects they enjoy, which can provide a sense of achievement without overwhelming them. 

Strategy Meetings: Arrange a meeting with key school personnel (teachers, counsellors, and the principal) to discuss your child’s needs and possible accommodations. Suggest communication strategies, such as daily check-ins that can help them feel more comfortable. 

 

Regular Updates: Set up a system for regular updates from school about your child's progress, which keeps you in the loop and accountable in supporting their needs. 

Role-Playing: Practice different scenarios that may occur at school, such as encountering a difficult subject or facing social anxiety. Role-playing can build confidence and prepare them for real-life situations. 

 

Coping Toolkit: Create a “coping toolkit” that includes items that help calm your child, such as stress balls, a favourite book, or a playlist of calming music. This can be utilized both at home and in school when they start feeling anxious. 

 

Relaxation Techniques: Create a relaxation routine with coping strategies to use before, during and after school. E.g. Square Breathing can be always done, as well as Visualization (the young person thinks about a safe place in their heads and imagines themselves in that place, thinking about all 5 senses, Sight, Hearing, Touch, Smell & Taste). Fidget toys (school may allow), Drawing. Computer games at home. A Body Scan were the person squeezes their muscles and releases. This can be done at home before and after school as part of their relaxation routine. 

 

Sleep: Have they established a relaxing bedtime routine and are they getting enough sleep? 

Facilitate Friendships: Invite peers over for structured activities, like game nights or art projects, which can shift focus from school-related stress and build bonds in a comfortable setting. 

 

School Events: Encourage participation in school events (like sports or clubs) that allow your child to socialise in a less pressured environment, gradually increasing their comfort level. 

Morning Rituals: Establish positive morning rituals leading up to school, such as sharing something they’re looking forward to about the day, to shift focus from anxiety to excitement. 

 

Educational Games: Use fun educational resources that connect to what they are learning in school. For instance, board games, puzzles, and apps that incorporate subjects can make learning feel enjoyable and supportive.