How to Nurture Your Relationship and Emotional Well-being While Parenting Your Neurodiverse Child
Posted on 5th February 2025 at 12:58
By Julie Wales, Family & Special Needs Counsellor
Caring for a neurodiverse child is a journey filled with love, learning, and sometimes, exhaustion. Between managing sensory needs, navigating school challenges, attending appointments, and advocating for support, it’s easy for parents to put their relationship on the back burner. However, staying connected as a couple and maintaining your own emotional regulation isn’t just beneficial for you—it also creates a more stable and supportive environment for your child.
Self Care and Couple Care Matters
Caring for our son has been one of the most significant and meaningful aspects of our lives, but we quickly learned that neglecting ourselves and our marriage only led to burnout. Over our 36 years of marriage, my husband and I have made a conscious effort to carve out time for self-care and couple care. Whether it’s having regular check-ins, leaning on each other for emotional support, or making space for laughter, these practices have helped us weather challenges together. Taking care of our relationship has not only made us stronger as a couple but has also created a more stable and loving foundation for our family.
1. Prioritise ‘Micro-Moments’ of Connection
Many parents assume connection means date nights or long conversations, but in reality, small, intentional moments can be just as powerful.
💡 Try This:
A 30-second hug before the day begins
Sending a quick text of appreciation
Making eye contact and smiling in passing
Having a 5-minute debrief at night about how you both feel
These micro-moments help sustain emotional intimacy, even in the busiest of days.
2. Make Time for ‘Us’ Without Guilt
It’s common for parents to feel guilty taking time for themselves when their child has additional needs. But a strong, connected partnership benefits the whole family—including your child.
💡 Try This:
Schedule 15 minutes a day just for you as a couple—whether that’s a cup of tea together after bedtime or sitting quietly on the sofa.
Reframe your mindset: Taking care of your relationship is part of taking care of your child. A calmer connected home benefits everyone.
If childcare is a challenge, create at-home date nights—watch a show, cook together, or reminisce about old memories.
3. Work as a Team in Meetings & Advocacy
Advocating for a neurodiverse child often involves hospital visits, school meetings, and social care discussions. It’s easy for one parent to take on the bulk of these responsibilities, but teamwork can ease the emotional load.
💡 Try This:
Whenever possible, both parents should attend important meetings. A second pair of ears can help pick up details that one might miss.
If one partner cannot attend, take notes and share key points afterward. A shared record keeps both of you informed and involved.
Decide in advance who will speak and what points need to be covered to ensure a united front.
When both parents are engaged, it reduces stress, strengthens decision-making, and ensures you both feel equally involved in your child’s care.
4. Manage Stress Together (Not Against Each Other)
When parenting stress builds up, it’s easy to take it out on your partner. Instead of becoming each other’s emotional punching bag, become each other’s safe place.
💡 Try This:
Instead of venting with “I’m doing everything!,” reframe with “I’m feeling overwhelmed. Can we problem-solve together?"
Recognise each other’s stress signals—when one of you is shutting down or snapping, pause and ask, “How can I support you right now?”
If tensions rise, take a 5-minute reset before discussing an issue. A short break can prevent arguments from spiralling.
5. Emotionally Regulate So You Can Co-Regulate
Your child absorbs your energy. If you’re constantly stressed, they’ll pick up on it. Regulating your own emotions helps your child feel safe and secure.
💡 Try This:
Pause before reacting—take a deep breath or count to five before responding to challenging behaviour.
Use a grounding technique: Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method (Name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste).
Verbally model emotional regulation: Instead of snapping, say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a deep breath before we talk.” This teaches your child self-regulation by example.
6. Be a Team, Not Just Co-Parents
It’s easy to fall into "divide and conquer" mode—one parent manages therapy appointments, the other handles school emails. But your relationship needs moments beyond logistics.
💡 Try This:
Use "we" language to reinforce teamwork: Instead of "I need a break," say, "We both need rest, so how can we make that happen?"
Take a moment to appreciate each other’s efforts—a simple "Thank you for handling that meltdown earlier" goes a long way.
Set shared goals beyond parenting—whether it's a home project, a hobby, or just watching a series together, having a non-parenting focus strengthens your bond.
7. Seek Support—You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Caring for a neurodiverse child is beautiful but demanding. It’s okay to ask for help. Whether that’s from family, friends, therapists, or support groups, leaning on others allows you to show up as the best version of yourself.
💡 Try This:
Join a parent support group (in-person or online) to connect with others who understand your journey.
Consider couples or individual counselling—having a space to process emotions can relieve pressure at home.
Delegate when possible—if family or friends offer help, take it! Even an hour to yourself can reset your energy.
Lean on Support Networks
Seeking support—whether from family, friends, or a therapist—can help ease the pressure. We never had any family living nearby when our kids were growing up, so we relied on good friends, worked around each other’s schedules, and made sure to have date nights at home. Sometimes that meant simply watching a movie together once the kids were asleep or sharing a quiet meal. While it wasn’t always easy, those intentional efforts kept us connected and reminded us that our relationship mattered too. It’s okay to ask for help so that you can take much-needed breaks to nurture your relationship.
Final Thought: Your Relationship Deserves Care Too
Remember, you’re a team...
At the end of the day, you and your partner are in this together. By making intentional efforts to connect, communicate, and care for yourselves, you can maintain a strong and loving relationship while supporting your neurodiverse child.
💬 What’s one small way you and your partner stay connected?
Call Julie Wales: 07412651894
Email: hello@juliewalescounselling.co.uk
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