By Julie Wales, Family & Special Needs Counsellor
Have you ever driven your car for so long without checking the fuel gauge, only to feel it stutter and slow?
Parenting can feel a lot like that.
We push through the day-to-day, doing everything we can for our children—especially when they have additional needs—until one day, we realise we’re running on fumes.
And yet, asking for help can feel like one more thing on an already overflowing list.
If you’re reading this and nodding, take a deep breath. You’re not alone—and you don’t have to keep going on empty.
The Hidden Toll of Caring
Parenting is never a light load. But when your child experiences anxiety, neurodiversity, trauma, or struggles to attend school, the emotional toll often runs deeper.
You’re not just juggling practical needs—you’re carrying their worries, navigating systems, advocating in meetings, and trying to hold it all together at home.
You might find yourself:
Waking up already tired, no matter how much sleep you’ve had
Feeling tearful over small things, or not feeling much at all
Snapping at your partner or other children, then feeling guilty
Forgetting things more often, or struggling to concentrate
Feeling like there’s no room left for you
These aren’t signs of failure.
These are signs of overwhelm—and they’re your nervous system’s way of waving a little white flag.
You Deserve Support Too
We often tell ourselves, “I’ll be okay once things calm down.” But what if the calm never quite comes?
In those moments, it’s not selfish to reach out—it’s wise.
Because when we’re supported, we’re stronger. When we’re heard, we’re more able to hold space for others. And when we care for ourselves, we model self-compassion for our children too.
Support doesn’t always mean big changes. It might mean:
Talking to someone who really gets it—like a counsellor who understands family life and neurodiversity
Taking half an hour for a walk, a bath, or a quiet cuppa
Letting go of guilt for not doing it all perfectly
Saying “yes” to help, or “no” to one more thing
Reconnecting with your own needs, even gently, and bit by bit
Why Your Emotional Regulation Matters
When you're exhausted, anxious, or emotionally flooded, it’s so much harder to stay calm in the chaos.
But here’s something gentle to consider: your ability to regulate your emotions supports your child in learning to regulate theirs.
Co-regulation is the invisible dance between parent and child. When you take time to calm your nervous system, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re helping your child feel safer, too.
Start small:
🟡 Pause and take three deep breaths before responding
🟡 Notice what you’re feeling without judgement
🟡 Offer yourself compassion for having limits
Self-regulation isn’t about being calm all the time. It’s about recovering, resetting, and responding with care when you can.
Your child learns from how you repair after a hard moment—not from being perfect.
When Parenting Strain Reaches Your Relationship
Parenting on empty doesn’t just affect you—it can quietly affect your couple relationship too.
Especially when life feels heavy, you might notice:
Conflicting parenting styles creating tension
Feeling distant or disconnected from your partner
Arguing more, especially about your child’s needs
Struggling to find time or energy for each other
Resentment building silently
Add in the challenges of neurodiversity, trauma, or a child unable to attend school, and the pressure can become immense.
You may both be doing your best, but feel like you're carrying the load differently—or carrying it alone.
Reaching out for relationship support doesn’t mean your relationship is failing. It means you're investing in it, together.
And that connection? It becomes a source of strength for the whole family.
A Gentle Invitation
During Carers Week and beyond, let this be your reminder:
You can care deeply for your child and make space for yourself. You can love your family and need support.
You are not alone.
💛 If this blog resonates, I’m here. I work with parent/carers, couples, and families navigating neurodiversity, school anxiety, and emotional overwhelm.
Together, we can explore the support that helps you reconnect—with yourself, your partner, and your family.
To learn more or book a session, contact me at:
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