10 ways to establish healthy boundaries with your children
Posted on 8th March 2023 at 11:46
By Julie Wales, Family & Special Needs Counsellor
Many years ago, when our son was smaller we were in turmoil and unable to establish boundaries that we could be consistent in using. FEAR was a big driver for me.
I feared his meltdowns and the embarrassment it would cause in public when we were trying to do some shopping.
All the sensory feedback he was getting was too much noise, too many people and feeling overwhelmed as we were!
I always gave in, and we went home which is what my son wanted. Until we broke the cycle one week and never looked back!
Fear was pushing me into being a permissive style parent through fear of consequence. In classic permissive style “The permissive parent essentially says, ‘Ok, do your own thing. Whatever you want is OK.’ My years of counselling parents and children have shown me that in a permissive environment, kids’ rebel. They rebel because they feel anger and confused because their parents didn’t offer clear boundaries and limit setting.” So, my son kept on doing the behaviours that got his needs met in all the confusion.
So true. A very important way to show your children love is to have clear, defined limitations for them. Your kids want guidelines for their lives that are reliably enforced. You are the one who creates a safe environment for them. Setting boundaries is an important part of our job as a parent. It doesn’t mean they won’t push your boundaries, they will. It is a part of their learning process and they may even be upset when you uphold certain boundaries, but they will also feel safe and secure at the same time. Here are 10 ways to establish clear boundaries for your child/teen.
“When you fail to back up your words with action your words will cease to mean anything.”
Tagged as: Boundaries, Communication Tips, Families with Teenagers, Family Counselling, Mental Health, Parenting
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