By Julie Wales, Special Needs Counsellor 
 
Key points 
Children feel secure and loved when they have strong and positive family relationships 
Positive family relationships help families resolve conflict, work as a team, and enjoy each other’s company 
Positive family relationships are built on quality time, communication, teamwork, and appreciation of each other 

Positive relationships for families: why they are important 

Strong and positive family relationships are enjoyable for their own sake – it just feels good to be part of a warm and loving family. 
But positive family relationships are important for lots of other reasons too. They: 
 
help children feel secure and loved, which gives them confidence to explore their world, try new things and learn 
make it easier for your family to solve problems, resolve conflict and respect differences of opinion 
give children the skills they need to build healthy relationships of their own 
 
Therefore, it is worth maintaining and improving the relationships you share with your children and other family members. 
There are plenty of simple things you can do to develop positive family relationships. 
 
Positive family relationships are an important part of strong families. Strong families grow from love, security, communication, connection – and a few rules and routines too. 

Quality time and family relationships 

Quality family time is about making the most of the time you spend together as a family. Here are some ways you can make quality time happen in your family: 
 
Use everyday time together to talk and share a laugh. For example, family meals and car travel can be great times to catch up on the day 
 
Have time together when devices are turned off and out of sight. This helps to keep everyone focused on what you are doing or talking about at the time 
 
Have one-on-one chats with each family member to strengthen individual relationships. It can just be five minutes before each child goes to bed 
 
Set aside time with your partner if you have one. You could explain to your children that it is good for your relationship with your partner to have this quality time alone together 
Do regular, fun things together as a family. This can be as simple as a family soccer game at the local park on Saturdays, or a family board games night each week 

Positive communication and family relationships 

Positive communication is about listening without judgment and expressing your own thoughts and feelings openly and respectfully. It helps everybody feel understood, respected, and valued, and this strengthens your relationships. 
Try these positive communication ideas to strengthen your family relationships: 
 
When your child or partner wants to talk, try to stop what you are doing and listen with full attention. Give people time to express their points of view or feelings 
 
Be open to talking about difficult things – like mistakes – and all kinds of feelings, including anger, joy, frustration, fear, and anxiety. But it is best to wait until you have calmed down from strong emotions like anger before you talk about them. 
 
Be ready for spontaneous conversations. For example, younger children often like to talk through their feelings when they are in the bath or as they are getting into bed 
 
Plan for difficult conversations, especially with teenagers. For example, sex, drugs, alcohol, academic difficulties, and money are topics that families can find difficult to talk about. It helps to think through your feelings and values before these topics come up. 
 
Encourage your children with praise. For example, ‘It is a big help when you bring the bins in without being asked, Leo. Thanks!’ 
 
Let everyone in the family know that you love and appreciate them. This can be as simple as saying ‘I love you’ to your children each night when they go to bed 

Positive non-verbal communication 

Not all communication happens in words, so it is important to pay attention to the feelings that your children and partner express non-verbally. For example, your teenage child might not want to talk to you but might still come looking for the comfort of cuddles sometimes! 
 
It is also important to be aware of the non-verbal messages you send. For example, hugs, kisses, and eye contact send the message that you want to be close to your child. But a grumpy tone of voice or a frown when you are doing something together might send the message that you do not want to be there. 
 
Positive communication can be about respecting someone’s desire not to talk. For example, as children move towards the teenage years, they often want more privacy. But you can stay connected with your teenage child, both through everyday activities and planned time together. 

Teamwork and family relationships 

When your family is working as a team, everyone feels supported and able to contribute. It is easier to work as a team when everyone understands where they stand, so it helps to have clear expectations, limits, and boundaries. 
 
You can encourage teamwork in some of these ways: 
 
Share household chores. Even young children can enjoy the feeling of belonging that comes from contributing. Using a whiteboard which can be added to and erased can really help. 
 
Include children in decisions about things like family activities and holidays. Give everyone – including young children – a chance to have their say before you make the final decision. Family meetings can be a good way to do this. 
 
Let children make some of their own decisions, depending on your children’s abilities and maturity. For example, you might let your 12-year-old child decide whether to walk or cycle home from school. 
 
Create family rules together that state clearly how your family wants to look after and treat its members. For example, ‘In our family we speak respectfully to each other’. Rules like this help everyone get along better and make family life more peaceful.  
 
Work together to solve problems. This involves listening and thinking calmly, considering options, respecting other people’s opinions, finding constructive solutions, and working towards compromises. 

Appreciation for each other and family relationships 

Valuing each other is at the heart of good family relationships. Here are some ways you might be able to do this: 
 
Take an interest in each other’s lives. For example, make time to go to each other’s sporting events, drama performances, art shows and so on 
 
Include everyone in conversation when you are talking about the day’s events. For example, ‘What was the highlight for you today, Izzy?’ 
 
Share family stories and memories. These can help children appreciate things that aren’t obvious, or that they’ve forgotten – for example, Mum’s sporting achievements when she was younger, or the way a big sister helped care for her little brother after he was born 
 
Acknowledge each other’s differences, talents, and abilities, and use each other’s strengths. For example, if you praise and thank your teenage child for listening to a younger sibling reading, your child will begin to see themselves as helpful and caring 
If you and your family need some help to improve your communication and relationship then please do get in touch with Julie Wales, either by calling 07412651894 or email hello@juliewalescounselling.co.uk 
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